Dating 101: How Do You Know?

When you’re dating someone you like and feelings of pure bliss and happiness develop, the question always asked is: how do you know? How can you tell if it’s real or not? Well, there is another moment in dating when this question is appropriate too and that’s near the end. How do you know when it’s over? Wondering if someone is in like with you is the most agonizing process ever. Racking your brain trying to figure out reasons as to why a person should still have feelings for you, or even blaming yourself when things go south. Dialing and hanging up, calling his friends to see if they’ve talked to him, driving past his house at night–crazy stuff, right?

Usually, this impulsive behavior happens when a person is blindsided with the phone call or text that  reads, “Hey, I’m going to have to cancel our date tonight…” followed by a lame excuse. And our reply is, “Sure, I understand.” Instantly, we begin to wonder if he’s telling the truth but you can’t really discount his reason if you don’t have a proof, so we let it pass. But then it happens again. Now what? The truth is, women should never be caught off guard if he decides to break it off. If you feel something is not quite right, you should ask yourself a few questions so you can know before he delivers the news.

Question #1: Is he making an effort to contact/see me?

When you like someone, you want to see them–simple as that. If you don’t have time to visit, you make time; can’t talk, send a text; at work, call them when you get off. As they say, there’s more than one way to skin a cat, the process used is entirely up to the individual. OK, that was probably a bad analogy but the point is, guys give so many excuses when they can’t do something but can never find a way to make something happen. If, after a while the amount of time you spend together becomes more sporadic and his excuse is “work” all the time, take that as a sign. Men know women rarely question their work ethic because good, working men are in short supply so we are holding on tight. As women, we should see beyond the surface and follow your gut. If you don‘t, there won’t be anymore phone call letting you know he’s working late, or telling you anything for that matter.

Question #2: Have I met any of his close friends or family members?

Meeting the family is something all women look forward to when they’re dating someone. It’s like an unwritten rule to get a stamp of approval from the important people in his life before you continue dating. There isn’t a certain amount of time required to wait before being introduced to the family, but if it’s been 6 months and the only important person you‘ve met is his puppy, that’s a problem. Know that your time is valuable and if he’s wasting it talking about how much his mother would like you, instead of actually making a move, you are the tortoise in that race and won’t be crossing the finish line anytime soon.

Question #3: Is he pressuring for intimacy?

It’s rumored that guys think about sex more than women do. This isn’t something that we should be upset about or hold against them, it’s the way they’re engineered. Women shouldn’t even get mad when he asks for it because all the blood has left his head and traveled elsewhere, therefore he can‘t think clearly. Like all humans, men think about self-satisfaction before others’ and it’s up to you to either accept it or address it. When that subject comes up, women aren’t obligated to have sex with any man if they don’t want to; that’s blasphemy. If you say no and he’s fine with it, don’t question his decision. He’ll wait if he likes you. If he continues to try and make moves, you still tell him no and then all of a sudden he stops, it’s possible he found someone else to fulfill his needs. He didn’t break the rules because he slept with someone else; you two are not in an official relationship. At this point, it is up to the woman to take initiative and either stick around or leave. But you don’t want to be a rebound for a man who wasn’t patient, so to stick around would be a lost cause. Move on.

Men give off vibes that set off women‘s natural instinct to let us know if something is wrong. If you feel it, listen to it. These aren’t tips for you to end it if these signs are showing. They are tips to keep in mind so when you think things aren’t going quite the way you would like, you are prepared. Guys like to create emotions in women that we can‘t make sense of; it gives them a sense of control. But you only give them control if you allow them to do whatever they please. Simply, don’t let them. And if it is over, just remember: the more it hurts in the beginning, the better it feels when it heals in the end. So until next time, Happy Dating!